


Maybe When I Loved You

by B2Min



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 18:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14219226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B2Min/pseuds/B2Min
Summary: Ten years of knowing each other still isn't enough for Hwang Minhyun. At least when it comes to building up the courage to tell his best friend he's in love with him.Who could blame him, though? In-between desperately fighting for their group not to be disbanded, a temporary separation and not to mention the very handsome Ong Seongwu getting thrown into the mix, Minhyun finds love isn't really all that simple.Especially when it comes to Kang Dongho.





	1. Not you, just me

It's easy, Minhyun thinks, to just get lost in this feeling.

Lips on lips, hands on hips, the heat of skin and the quickening of their heartbeats.

A pity, though, that he just can't let himself get immersed. Not that he doesn't try. At least for Seongwu's sake.

Pretty-eyed Seongwu who's kissing him so nicely now.

"Let's get distracted," Seongwu would say and that would be his cue to start on their private game of hide and seek. It's fun, guessing which spot the other would be waiting.

The reward is a kiss - many, many kisses. Until the high comes down or their phones buzz, asking where one or the other is.

If anyone notices how sometimes they disappear, the both of them, nobody says. It's all unspoken - when you're cooped up with just each other for company sometimes, there's bound to be some sexual tension going around.

Started innocently enough - they'd been resting together, after a hectic day of schedules. Lazy banter, semi-cuddling and Minhyun had just meant to brush his lips against Seongwu's cheek but Seongwu had turned at just the wrong (right) second. Their lips had touched and Minhyun had thought, Seongwu would just jump up, pull away, make one of his lame jokes.

Seongwu kissed him back.

And that's how they'd started their kissing sessions - to kill time, for comfort, they'd stopped making excuses for it by now.

As _nice_ as this is, it gets harder for Minhyun to keep doing it. Because how fair is it to be kissing someone, when you're thinking about someone else?


	2. Where are we going?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you need someone else to say the words

Minhyun knows that packing up won't take him that long. Movers had taken most of his boxes to the new Nu'est dorm and all that's left is to take what little remains, fit it into his suitcase.

There are some things that just won't be packed up so easily; things that he doesn't know what to do with or where they fit.

Like the man who's stretched out beside him on the bed. Fingers intertwined with his.

He's going to miss Seongwu so much.

"Min?"  
  
"Yeah?"

"You finally going to tell him when you get back?"

Minhyun startles.

"Tell who what?"

Seongwu laughs. It's a mirthless laugh. Heavy with another feeling. Resignation? Annoyance? Sadness?

"The man who calls you up, who makes your voice go low. Makes your eyes go bright. I always know when _he_ calls."

Minhyun closes his eyes. _Oh, Seongwu_. It's only been how many months and yet, he knows him so well.

"I'm OK, Minhyun. It's OK. I knew that whatever this is, whatever we are...it can't really go anywhere. Someday I know I'll probably get married, have a brat or two and wait for them to grow up so I can be, like, the best granddad ever to their kids."

"But you...I've never really been able to imagine that with you. Dude, you look at a robot vacuum cleaner with more longing than I've ever seen you look at any girl."

Seongwu sighs, squeezes Minhyun's hand tight.

"I'm going to miss you, you jerk, so I still expect you to come eat galbijim with me sometimes. Promise you will?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I promise. I won't let you get rid of me so easily."

Again, Seongwu laughs.

"Even when you finally let _him_ know how you feel? If he doesn't already. But knowing you, you chickenshit, you probably haven't said anything."

It's unnerving, how easy Seongwu is being about this. Almost too easy. But Minhyun knows Seongwu too.

"You don't have to pretend this doesn't hurt you know. And for the record, if I'd met you first I..."

"Obviously you wouldn't have been able to resist my charms." Even now, Seongwu's making jokes.

"It's just...I'm not at all sure how he would react, you know?"

"Give it a chance. Give him a chance. I surprised you, didn't I? Trust me when I say, I couldn't see why anyone couldn't love you."

"Because, well, I kind of...do?"

And if there are some tears being shed as they kiss, one last time, on this one last night they'll be under the same roof, they don't remark on it.

There's still kissing to be done. And kiss they do before sleep and parting comes for them both.


	3. Why You, Why Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the words are always there, but your mouth just won't work

Their new place is nice - four bedrooms this time and Minki may pretend he likes rooming alone all he likes, but he matter-of-factly claims the biggest room "because Lucky and Jonghyun will need the space".

Minhyun doesn't even get to make an excuse to share a room with Dongho. But at least their rooms are next to each other while the others' rooms are in different corners.

Everything's the same, yet everything's so different now. They all have nicer, fancier beds among other gifts L.O.Λ.E.s have sent to them and maybe because the other boys have gotten used to picking up after themselves, there's a lot less mess.

Dongho had even waved Minhyun away when the latter had asked if he needed help getting his stuff sorted during the move-in.

"Nah, the movers got all the heavy stuff. I'll be fine on my own."

Aron had no qualms about accepting Minhyun's help, though, but his answer was only a sheepish laugh when Minhyun asked, "Hyung, just how many of my clothes have you squirreled away?" Boxes and boxes of fangifts and yet Aron still preferred raiding Minhyun's closet. Old habits died hard, Minhyun supposed.

It was easy enough to find an excuse to lounge on Dongho's bed.

"Dongho-ya, your bed is so fancy!" Then Minhyun had proceeded to roll around on it just because.

Dongho's response was just to grunt at him from his desk. The old Dongho would probably have joined him on the bed, maybe started a bout of play-wrestling or tickling - maybe even a pillow fight.

This Dongho was instead, lounging at his desk, looking at his phone.

Minhyun was a bit annoyed with this Dongho.

So he, in turn, decided to lounge against the very nice pillows and enjoy the very nice mattress and look at his own phone.

Just in time to see a message from Seongwu.

_Galbijim next Thursday?_

Smiling, he'd sent a text back, confirming he'd be up for it. And Seongwu, ever-extra Seongwu, sent him a dozen kissy-face stickers in reply.

"That Seongwu?" Dongho said.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"You were smiling so hard I thought your jaw was gonna fall off."

"Ha ha. You know Seongwu, he's funny. Why? You jealous?"

"Got over it."

 _Huh_.

Minhyun could have said, _there's no reason to be_. _There was never any real reason to be_. Instead..."Shouldn't I be jealous you hang out with Sangbin a lot now? Aren't I the one you missed the most, Baekho-ya?"

Another grunt. Then...

"I wasn't the one kissing Seongwu behind the restroom door at Gaon now was I?"

 _Fuck_.

Minhyun remembered that time - he hated the part about award shows where he would always be seated too far from the Nu'est boys. Hated always having to pretend to be nonchalant about it.

It had been reckless, more than a little stupid. But he'd cornered Seongwu in the restroom, just to take the edge of all the feelings he was having. He'd been so sure there hadn't been anyone behind or near him. It was quick and messy -him grabbing Seongwu's face, Seongwu gripping the front of his jacket. Fast, hungry kisses.

> _"What was that all about?" Seongwu asked._  
>    
> _"I just felt like it."_
> 
> _"You were lucky some Dispatch reporter wasn't lurking in the corner, Min. Much fun as that was, and how deliciously unexpected, let's not get into too much trouble?"_
> 
> _"Right, Mr.Good Little Pastor's Son."_
> 
> _"Oh, don't make me show you just how good I can be."_

Dongho had...seen them? And never once mentioned it?

"It's...not what you think."  
  
"Do you know what I think, Minhyun? I think being apart for so long has meant that you don't really feel like telling me things anymore. I thought, maybe, just maybe it was just some passing thing - a flirtation you wanted to keep between you. I can respect that."

"But Wanna One's disbanded, and you still see him, talk to him a lot and you expect me not to think there's something you're not telling me?"

If he only knew just what Minhyun really struggled with telling him.

A sigh this time.

"Sorry. I just...thought we were closer than that, you know?"

That got Minhyun off the bed, hurriedly walking over to where Dongho was sitting, to stand right behind him.

Easy enough to put his arms on Dongho's shoulders, to embrace him from behind.

"We are, you stupid git. It just...like, how was I ever going to find the time, between the stupid YMC schedules to tell you shit like hey, I just kissed a guy, and I kind of like it?"

Minhyun ran his fingers lightly through Dongho's hair. "It was something you had to say in person, anyway. Plus I didn't talk about it with anyone. Not the guys in Wanna One even. Also, remember the time when sasaengs got our phone numbers? We were all super paranoid about getting hacked and stuff. So no way I could text you about it."

"I wish...I wish you knew all the times I just wanted to just come over. Or have you come over. But it was so hard then. So I'm sorry if you feel like I've been keeping things from you - sorry if you feel I kept parts of me hidden. I didn't do it on purpose, OK? You're still my favourite person. Even if you're stupid."

"That last part spoiled the apology by the way. You need to buy me meat now to make up for it," Dongho said, the barest hint of a smile in his voice.

"Anything for my one true love." _I'm not actually joking_.

"You're the guy with a boyfriend, don't be fresh with me."

"We're not...ugh. Let's go out and eat and I'll explain, all right?"

And so they found a nice burger joint where Minhyun talked about how Ong was now his very-good-friend, how they-used-to-kiss-but-didn't-anymore and now they were just great galbijim buddies who still talked all the time.

He might have left out the part where the only reason it never really went anywhere was because Minhyun was in love with someone else.

Oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Losing momentum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running towards Dongho, and running away from Dongho at the same time - it's Minhyun's superpower and frankly, it's getting a little tiring

"I'm hurt." Baekho was making his pouty face at Minhyun.

"Where?" Minhyun idly wondered how a 20-something year old man (the man he loved, but whatever) still managed to revert to toddlerhood at any given time.

"No, I mean, I'm hurt that you still haven't introduced me to your boyfriend."

"Oh for...one, he's not my boyfriend. Two, you already met Seongwu. Three, what, are you my mother?"

Ever since Minhyun had explained the Seongwu Situation, Dongho would still make the odd joke about them being boyfriends. The worst bit was, now it was a Nu'est in-joke.

Even Jonghyun had started saying, "Hey, your boyfriend's on TV, Min-ah!"

This was not helping.

Things in the dorm had gotten a little better - but easing into the dynamic of being part of a five-man, instead of an 11-man group, still took some getting used to.  He liked that he didn't have to worry as much about crowding the stage, having more room to move and it was nice to again be singing _their_ songs.

So many things he had missed when he was away, that every day back felt like a gift. A gift with odd quirks, though. Minki had developed the annoying habit of occasionally breaking into his room just to check if he was in there. It took threats of him deadbolting the door to get Minki to stop.

Then there was Minki's cat who would, on occasion, just stare at him from whatever lap he was perched on. Lucky for some reason had been favouring Dongho's lap lately and he felt as though he was being judged. _Oh, look, it could be you on this lap but no, you're such a chickenshit_.

He didn't like cats, anyway.

It was just the two of them at home now - no, three, with Lucky included. Jonghyun was off doing another variety show, Aron and Minki also out. Just another afternoon with Dongho chilling on the couch and Lucky, that damn cat, perched on his lap.

Lucky was staring at Minhyun again and this time Minhyun decided he would stare back. Just a minute into their impromptu staring competition and Minhyun heard a loud cackle.

"If you wanted Lucky's spot on my lap, you could have just asked, Minhyun-ah."

 _Well then_.

Making his way to the sofa, Minhyun stooped and picked Lucky up, gingerly. The cat chirped (Minhyun secretly found the sound endearing) in protest, but Minhyun was past caring.

"Hi." Minhyun sat himself in Lucky's newly-vacated spot and this time, he was locking eyes with Dongho (and not the damn cat).

"Don't you have a boyf-" It was just the right cue for Minhyun to shut Dongho's stupid mouth and his stupid 'boyfriend' joke. With a kiss.

It was quick, close-mouthed, but hard. Hard enough, Minhyun hoped, that Dongho would get that this wasn't a joke-kiss.

Pulling away, he said," _You_ are why I don't have a boyfriend."

Dongho was quiet. It was awkward - maybe the whole idea of confessing while being seated in Dongho's lap wasn't the greatest of ideas.

As the silence stretched out, he made to stand only for Dongho to pull him right down.

"So...you're saying you _like_ me?"

"Like is maybe not the right word to describe it. I'm...crazy about you, OK?"

Even now, saying I love you outside of their 'bro' way was just too hard to do.

Dongho sighed. "I wish I could say I didn't think it was weird, but..."

Minhyun could feel his heart plummet. Again he tried to stand, to hide away in his room, cry a little. He'd expected it after all.

Again, Dongho's arm firmly held him down.

"Why me, though? I mean, you could have fallen for any one of us. I thought it would be Ren before you'd choose me. Or Jonghyun - you're always saying how cute he is. Aron...maybe not.  Though we're practically family by now after 10 years. Practically brothers."

"So, you see me as a brother then?" Minhyun's voice was close to cracking, fighting to hold back the suppressed feelings, the secret fears.

"I didn't say that," Dongho whispered.

"Remember all those silly questions reporters would keep asking, who was the member you'd date if you had a choice? We'd all just say different members names, depending on what we felt like? Whenever I said your name, I meant it."

"Now get off my lap. You're heavy."

It was Minhyun's turn to pout. His childish expression masking his inner elation, the creeping tendrils of what felt like _hope_.

"Give me a kiss first."

And Dongho laughed. "Fine, then, you big baby."

Having Dongho gently angle his head up, slowly bringing their lips together, was something Minhyun had fantasised about. A lot.

He had to say, though, the real thing was better than all his fantasies.

None of his fantasies had the other members of Nu'est choosing that precise moment to return, just when he'd managed to get his hands up Dongho's shirt.

Minki's reaction: "I'm not giving up the master bedroom for you two."

"I didn't even ask," Minhyun hissed back.

Thus marked the end of "Your boyfriend Ong" jokes and instead started the era of Jonghyun threatening to murder them if they didn't _stop playing footsie under the table at award shows for crying out loud are you insane._

And Lucky lived happily ever after in Minhyun's room because Minhyun decided he preferred Dongho's bed to his. 

Minhyun decided he quite liked cats after all.

 

 

 

 


End file.
